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Our close companions with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. But, she's often blindsided by people. Her husband walked away, which came as a massive blow. A lot of her social circle disappeared during that time, because they seemed drawn to him. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, likely realised more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Over the years, many close to her have drifted apart without her being sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing time together, however, I feel my position in the relationship is to listen. I open subjects but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She has been organizing a vacation to a country I know well on several occasions and resided in for some time. I attempted to offer insights, yet it was not welcomed. She essentially just desired validation of her decisions. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she can grasp the effect of her actions on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, naturally. Finally is to ask how you are both going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. A helpful technique involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they have a version of their life they cannot release as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult as there is no clear path with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react defensively and then think on your words. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, you'll have closure that you've been honest with her.